Once For Yes, Twice For No

Once For Yes, Twice For No Hair & Perfume Oil Spectral vanilla cream, a haze of copal smoke, cloves, nutmeg, & a cruet of white violet water to cleanse the air Shadows danced around the darkened room as we gripped hands, candle flames flaring & the air growing thick with purpose. On the table, a photograph I had carried next to my heart since childhood, corners bent & edges worn, showing waves of dark hair & that gentle smile that haunted my life, my dreams, my very soul. I concentrated, willing the faded black & white to reveal the violet eyes I remembered so dearly. The medium hummed low, murmuring incantations & invitations & words lost in the darkness. We had been seated here for what seemed like hours, & I felt a spasm of despair - this was useless, she was lost to me, gone forever. My brother squeezed my hand in reassurance, but how could he know, he was too young to remember her, he didn't understand, it wasn't fair! Tears pricked my eyes and for a moment I was that little boy hiding on the stairs again, my hot face pressed to the wallpaper, my father's shouts ringing in my ears, my helpless rage beating against my tiny ribs. Gasping, I choked on the smoky air & fought to stand & there was a commotion around the table and then suddenly the candles snuffed out... and my panicked lungs filled with the scent of warm vanilla, & of English violets, & of pale cream poured into a china jug. I felt cool hands on my brow & a soothing voice at my ear. I swooned in joy and in terror, the room spun as I fell into the ghostly vision, chasing comfort but finding only darkness, screaming "Ada! ADA! ADAAAAAAAA!"...